I've got a confession.
I dont like the "parent" activities my kids' school asks us to come to. In fact, you might say I hate them.
"Moms and Muffins"
"Parents and Pastries"
"Dads and Doughnuts"
(What are they really trying to do here? Fatten us up?! They know sugar is my downfall)
But you get the idea. If you're a parent with a child in grade-school, you know exactly what I'm talking about.
When did it become a necessity for parents to attend school with their kids (other than parent-teacher conferences) to just "chill"?
Disclaimer: I'm not opposed to supporting my kids. Heck, I'm the first one to volunteer at class parties, chaperon on field trips, send in treats for my kids' birthdays, and donate to the classroom/teacher's needs.
But it is seriously like nails on a chalkboard when I hear, "Mom! You get to come to school with us!" (while waiving around a paper flier with all the deets).
As I try to mask my begrudging attitude, I scan over the flier.
"Yippee!" (not)
"I get to go with my kids to school!"
Let me rephrase: I get to wake 4 little bodies up in the wee early hours of the morning, thus starting everyone's (including my own) bad attitude. Then I get ride them (even more than I already do) to hurry up so we can get out the door on time.
Then I get to listen to everyone complain about how cold it is (12 degrees by the way), and how I should have warmed up the car.
Then I get to hear everyone beg and whine that they want to watch a show in the car.
And when we finally get to the school (which is about 15 minutes away), everyone complains about how far we have to walk to get to the freakin' classroom (that's located in a portable).
(And this is after two little girls fought over whose teacher's classroom we got to go to).
The teachers stare at us like we're homeless people begging for food. (Good ol' Oliver Twist comes to mind here, "Please sir....I want some more...")
We were informed we had to go into the school to get the muffins, then make the trek back out to the portables.
Haul the kids back into the school, but not after trying every daggum door that was locked before realizing only the main doors were open.
Meanwhile the 4 year old is whining about how cold he is and how tired his legs are. And the older girls are complaining of how annoying little brother's "whistling" is.
Get into the school, only to see a line about a mile long. Am I at Walmart?
Seriously? All this for some freakin' muffins?
I asked my kids if they'd rather go to the cafeteria and get a good hearty breakfast instead. Tears welled up in my 9 year old perfectionist daughter's eyes.
"I guess we're staying in line."
Twenty minutes later we got our muffins.
Two little rinky-dink muffins the size of a quarter. Awesome! I'm sure this will hold my kids over til lunch..
And then for the pioneer trek back to the portables to spend a lovely five minutes (if that) with them before school starts.
When we get to the room, I'm fuming, and sweating profusely (it didn't help I was wearing a heavy snowboarding jacket and carrying an 18 month old).
We sat down, but no one talked. We were all grumpy. Silently scarfing away those muffins like we're mice eating crumbs on the floor.
As my one-year old demolished her muffin with her firsts, and muffin confetti flew through the air, I began thinking of all the reasons/excuses I could give to not come again next year (or any other year for that matter). I was certainly justified.
And then it hit me.
I dont go to these events for me. I go for THEM. I go because they remember me going. I go to show my support. To show them I LOVE them.
I saw SO many kids without parents there. And I dont know their personal circumstance, but I do know that my kids were excited to bring me, so the least I could do was pretend to enjoy it.
I'm not looking forward to the next parent event. (They're definitely no cake walk...Although I'm sure the PTA will come up with some clever parent activity to do with a cake next...). But I hope my kids know that despite my grumpy attitude, I love them. And I will ALWAYS be there for them--tired--dragging 4 kids--and covered in minuscule muffin crumbs and all.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Monday, November 13, 2017
Spiritual Gifts
Last night our family had Tithing Settlements with our Bishop. As we waited for him to finish meeting with another family who had an appointment prior to ours, our ward clerk handed us a form to fill out. It was a paper asking us to list our "skills" and "resources" that we'd be willing to offer to our local community members in case of a natural disaster. As I began filling it out with all our camping equipment and Matt's skills (roofing, carpentry, etc), I stopped dead in my tracks wondering what in the world I could offer. What was I good for? Did I have any skills/talents to offer?
I'm not going to lie, it was kind of depressing. I am someone who possesses qualities that a lot of people think are useful. I cook. I clean. I'm extremely well-organized. I'm a great writer. I'm punctual. I'm a nazi when it comes to proper grammar/English. I can make people and places look "pretty." I can make people laugh. I am pretty good at public speaking. But how in the world are those things useful? I don't want to be someone who sits around and watches other people be useful, while I wallow in the corner of my own "uselessness." You know what I mean? Do you ever have thoughts like this?
Living in today's generation isn't always the easiest. With the use of social media, it's quite easy to see what other people's "usefulness" is. You see others' talents, and then find yourself wishing you had those as well.
Am I the only one?
As I scrolled down Facebook looking at my friends and their useful talents, I came across a post from LDS Living that asked you to comment with your testimony. At first I went past it, then went back to it. This is something I could easily do. I jotted down my testimony of the Book of Mormon. As I continued scrolling on Facebook afterwards, I received a notification that somebody had "liked" my comment. It was then that it struck me: I have a gift to share my testimony and help others Come Unto Christ. I am useful by helping others feel God's love through my personal testimony. I decided to copy and paste my testimony on my own personal Facebook status. Immediately I had several people/friends comment thanking me for it, and how encouraged they were to read it themselves.
WOW!
I honestly never thought I'd have such a quick, lasting impact. Throughout the night I received several more reactions and comments. I even received a message from an old friend thanking me, telling me how much it brightened her day, then asking for advice on how she could be better at studying/understanding the scriptures.
I am thankful Heavenly Father has blessed me with so many gifts in life. I may not have the most "physical" gifts, but I know I have several "spiritual" gifts that I can share and help with others in bringing to pass the Lord's work while here on this earth.
I'm not going to lie, it was kind of depressing. I am someone who possesses qualities that a lot of people think are useful. I cook. I clean. I'm extremely well-organized. I'm a great writer. I'm punctual. I'm a nazi when it comes to proper grammar/English. I can make people and places look "pretty." I can make people laugh. I am pretty good at public speaking. But how in the world are those things useful? I don't want to be someone who sits around and watches other people be useful, while I wallow in the corner of my own "uselessness." You know what I mean? Do you ever have thoughts like this?
Living in today's generation isn't always the easiest. With the use of social media, it's quite easy to see what other people's "usefulness" is. You see others' talents, and then find yourself wishing you had those as well.
Am I the only one?
As I scrolled down Facebook looking at my friends and their useful talents, I came across a post from LDS Living that asked you to comment with your testimony. At first I went past it, then went back to it. This is something I could easily do. I jotted down my testimony of the Book of Mormon. As I continued scrolling on Facebook afterwards, I received a notification that somebody had "liked" my comment. It was then that it struck me: I have a gift to share my testimony and help others Come Unto Christ. I am useful by helping others feel God's love through my personal testimony. I decided to copy and paste my testimony on my own personal Facebook status. Immediately I had several people/friends comment thanking me for it, and how encouraged they were to read it themselves.
WOW!
I honestly never thought I'd have such a quick, lasting impact. Throughout the night I received several more reactions and comments. I even received a message from an old friend thanking me, telling me how much it brightened her day, then asking for advice on how she could be better at studying/understanding the scriptures.
I am thankful Heavenly Father has blessed me with so many gifts in life. I may not have the most "physical" gifts, but I know I have several "spiritual" gifts that I can share and help with others in bringing to pass the Lord's work while here on this earth.
Sunday, November 5, 2017
100 Things
Last week during one of my "mommy time outs" (I'll have to explain this later), I listened to a podcast by Bold New Mom. She is a life coach that helps you change your way of thinking. I've really enjoyed listening to all of the podcasts I've listened to so far. The latest one I listened to talked about making a list of 100 Things you are good at. She even listed her own 100 personal things, and although some were a bit strange in my opinion, I was really intrigued. So I thought I'd share 100 Things I like about me (and as I think of more, I'm going to keep adding):
1. I'm very organized
2. I'm good at math
3. I'm excellent at budgeting
4. I am good at proper grammar
5. I'm a great writer
6. I know how to stretch a dollar really well
7. I'm a good cook
8. I'm a natural athlete
9. I have a good sense of direction
10. I have common sense
11. I think before I speak
12. I know how to bite my tongue
13. I have a strong testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
14. I have a sound understanding of who I am as a daughter of God, and where I'm going in life.
15. I dont care what others think of me.
16. I have a clean home
17. I appreciate nature
18. I am a good public speaker
19. I am a good listener
20. I am good at serving
21. I know how to give genuine compliments
22. I prioritize well
23. I know how to love
24. I am polite
25. I'm really good at thanking people for things
26. I recognize blessings in my life
27. I'm a great driver
28. I am strong physically
29. I am structured
30. I have great thick hair
31. I have great skin
32. I can read well
33. I am passionate about my family
34. I am good at showing my affection
35. I can multi task extremely well
36. I am funny
37. I am witty
38. I am smart
39. I understand sports
40. I love playing softball
41. I love playing basketball
42. I am good at implementing gospel principles in my home and being consistent with them
43. I have a desire to follow Christ, and be more like Him
44. I am obedient
45. I never have to learn lessons the hard way. I can be told something is wrong, and I will heed it
46. I can appreciate good music
47. I'm a great speller
48. I'm good at sales
49. I'm good at marketing
50. I know how to lift others up
51. I am a self learner
52. I am good at sewing
53. I can feel and recognize the Holy Ghost
54. I am good at keeping in touch with my family
55. I can be happy for others' successes
56. I love playing with my family
57. I am a good fly fisher(woman)
58. I know how to find good deals
59. I am good at saving money
60. I am pretty
61. I am detail-oriented
62. I am a hard worker
63. I am great at food storage
64. I make the best bread
65. I know how to make healthy foods my family will like, or "hide" healthy ingredients in "regular food."
66. I am good at smiling
67. I am good at pondering and receiving personal revelation
68. I understand the Gospel and its importance
69. I am good at making things/furniture/spaces aesthetically pleasing
70. I know how to take good photos
71. I am articulate
72. I am punctual
73. I always do my best
74. I love to dance with my kids
75. I love to exercise to good music
76. I am great at cleaning
77. I love to kiss my husband
78. I love to bake treats with my kids
79. I love to decorate
80. I have a desire to improve myself every day
81. I can relate well to others
82. I am crafty
83. I love talking to my mom
84. I have a great relationship with each of my siblings
85. I have a good relationship with my in laws
86. I love watching people feel uplifted
87. I love when my kids teach family home evening
88. I am good at not impulse buying
89. I am good at skiing
90. I love living in Cache Valley
91. I like my arms
92. I am good at doing makeup
93. I am a quick learner
94. I am sarcastic
95. I can make people laugh
96. I remember things
97. I am reliable
98. I know how to have fun
99. I am not embarrassed easily
100. I am good at apologizing
101. I am thoughtful
102. I am good at staying out of drama
103. I am good at playing with my kids
104. I am supportive
105. I am modest
106. I am creative
107. I am great at communicating
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Desk Therapy
Projects my husband and I have done together have been:
- Refinishing kitchen cabinets (4 times to be exact. lol. Let's just say I couldn't make up my mind: we started off with cherry cabinets, then painted them an espresso color, followed by bright white. Then when we moved, we painted our oak cabinets white as well. I love the clean, bright look).
- Finishing our basement
- LOTS of painting jobs
- Backsplash
- Refinishing dressers/nightstands/dining tables
- I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of any more off the top of my head
Working on home projects like this together makes me happy. It's a time where we both are disconnected from the electronic world, and have time to actually TALK to each other and de-stress from our week.
But since having kids, it seems like our projects have changed a bit--Matt ends up doing most of it, and I end up wrangling the kids like a herd of pigs in a pen.
After a particularly stressful week (and now that it's the holidays and basketball season, that means we're even more busy), I needed some therapeutic time to myself. I had been looking for a computer desk to refinish since our current set up was a 6 ft folding table and didn't exactly go with our decor. I found one after several weeks, and got to work sanding it. I hadn't finished it by the time Matt got home, so he ate dinner, then went in the garage to finish it.
I followed him right out and said, "Um...what are you doing?"
"Finishing your desk," he responded.
Umm...that's nice. It REALLY is. I know TONS of people who would love for a husband to do EVERYTHING on their honey-do list. But not this mama. I like his help, but this project was MINE. I NEEDED it.
Have you ever read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? (If you haven't, you totally need to! It's very eye opening and you'll find yourself giggling thinking, "Hey I know someone like that!" or "It's so true! That's me!") Well, Matt's love language is service. He demonstrates his love/affection to me mostly through his service. It's wonderful! It REALLY is! There's nothing wrong with that...
Except when this mama needs a break and needs to do something for herself.
I communicated with Matt that I appreciated his help, but I really wanted to do it myself.
Is that selfish?
No, no it's not. Because I know what I need to be a better mom/wife. And if being a better/mom wife means 60 minutes sanding/painting a computer desk and making it look pretty and giving me some sanity, then this mama is gonna get 'er done!
I'm happy to report, the desk is done. I love how it turned out! It's beautiful!
And I'm sane.
For now.
But since having kids, it seems like our projects have changed a bit--Matt ends up doing most of it, and I end up wrangling the kids like a herd of pigs in a pen.
After a particularly stressful week (and now that it's the holidays and basketball season, that means we're even more busy), I needed some therapeutic time to myself. I had been looking for a computer desk to refinish since our current set up was a 6 ft folding table and didn't exactly go with our decor. I found one after several weeks, and got to work sanding it. I hadn't finished it by the time Matt got home, so he ate dinner, then went in the garage to finish it.
I followed him right out and said, "Um...what are you doing?"
"Finishing your desk," he responded.
Umm...that's nice. It REALLY is. I know TONS of people who would love for a husband to do EVERYTHING on their honey-do list. But not this mama. I like his help, but this project was MINE. I NEEDED it.
Have you ever read the book, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? (If you haven't, you totally need to! It's very eye opening and you'll find yourself giggling thinking, "Hey I know someone like that!" or "It's so true! That's me!") Well, Matt's love language is service. He demonstrates his love/affection to me mostly through his service. It's wonderful! It REALLY is! There's nothing wrong with that...
Except when this mama needs a break and needs to do something for herself.
I communicated with Matt that I appreciated his help, but I really wanted to do it myself.
Is that selfish?
No, no it's not. Because I know what I need to be a better mom/wife. And if being a better/mom wife means 60 minutes sanding/painting a computer desk and making it look pretty and giving me some sanity, then this mama is gonna get 'er done!
I'm happy to report, the desk is done. I love how it turned out! It's beautiful!
And I'm sane.
For now.
Monday, September 25, 2017
Best 60 days of my life
A few months ago, my mom and I were perusing the books and decor at Seagul Book. It's one of our favorite things to do together. I have a passion for church history--especially with the Joseph Smith era. While making a list of all the books and study guides I wanted, I came across a bookmark that outlined what chapters to read from the Book of Mormon each day in order to finish it within 2 months. As I looked at it, I contemplated buying it. But my frugal sense hit me, and I didn't want to pay $4 for a bookmark. I looked closer, and realized that the spacing for each day was an average of 4 chapters/day. I took a mental note, and went on my way.
I had just finished reading the Book of Mormon maybe 1 month earlier, and I had intended on reading the Bible this time around. Then my mind went back to Seagul Book and the "speed" method of reading the BOM. I have read the Book of Mormon several times in my life, but never at such a fast pace. I was determined to do it.
I began reading, and suddenly realized the some days my studying of the Book of Mormon were a lot longer than other days. I also noticed that if I accidentally missed a day, or only read 2 chapters one day, then I had a LOT of reading to make up for the next. Finding a nice, quiet, uninterrupted time to read and study is hard with 4 young kids. But I wasn't about to let any excuse derail me.
I kept up with it. I found myself often time being lost in the scriptures, and thriving on every word that was written. I found I no longer dreaded reading the scriptures, but rather longed for it. I looked forward to reading and studying. I found that the longer I read, the more I was enlightened by the Spirit. My understanding of the scriptures has never been so great. I feel on FIRE with them. I really dont ever remember feeling this way before. I can 100% understand the scripture/phrase of "feasting on the words of Christ" now.
My 60 days is almost up (I have 6 days left), but I only have 2 chapters left. I'm almost sad that I'm almost done because I've enjoyed it so much. But at the same time, my testimony has grown SO much stronger over this time. I can't tell you how much more real the scriptures are. How much I can see their relevance in today's world. I could liken just about every chapter to something going on today.
I will be finishing the Book of Mormon tomorrow. And I just realized that this weekend is General Conference. What a wonderful timing to finish!
I have learned that consistency is key. Sure there were some days I didn't get all 4 chapters in, but there were others where I got several more chapter than the minimum required. I learned that I have a deeper and stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior because of it. I now know why they say that The Book of Mormon is the most true of any book out there, and that you can come to TRULY know God through reading it.
I want to scream it from the rooftops how much I love this book! I know it to be true! I am recording my thoughts so my family, and my children, and my grandchildren, know my testimony of it. I promise you that you can feel of the Savior's love when you TRULY study it, and pray about it. I hope I can always have this feeling with me.
I had just finished reading the Book of Mormon maybe 1 month earlier, and I had intended on reading the Bible this time around. Then my mind went back to Seagul Book and the "speed" method of reading the BOM. I have read the Book of Mormon several times in my life, but never at such a fast pace. I was determined to do it.
I began reading, and suddenly realized the some days my studying of the Book of Mormon were a lot longer than other days. I also noticed that if I accidentally missed a day, or only read 2 chapters one day, then I had a LOT of reading to make up for the next. Finding a nice, quiet, uninterrupted time to read and study is hard with 4 young kids. But I wasn't about to let any excuse derail me.
I kept up with it. I found myself often time being lost in the scriptures, and thriving on every word that was written. I found I no longer dreaded reading the scriptures, but rather longed for it. I looked forward to reading and studying. I found that the longer I read, the more I was enlightened by the Spirit. My understanding of the scriptures has never been so great. I feel on FIRE with them. I really dont ever remember feeling this way before. I can 100% understand the scripture/phrase of "feasting on the words of Christ" now.
My 60 days is almost up (I have 6 days left), but I only have 2 chapters left. I'm almost sad that I'm almost done because I've enjoyed it so much. But at the same time, my testimony has grown SO much stronger over this time. I can't tell you how much more real the scriptures are. How much I can see their relevance in today's world. I could liken just about every chapter to something going on today.
I will be finishing the Book of Mormon tomorrow. And I just realized that this weekend is General Conference. What a wonderful timing to finish!
I have learned that consistency is key. Sure there were some days I didn't get all 4 chapters in, but there were others where I got several more chapter than the minimum required. I learned that I have a deeper and stronger relationship with my Heavenly Father and Savior because of it. I now know why they say that The Book of Mormon is the most true of any book out there, and that you can come to TRULY know God through reading it.
I want to scream it from the rooftops how much I love this book! I know it to be true! I am recording my thoughts so my family, and my children, and my grandchildren, know my testimony of it. I promise you that you can feel of the Savior's love when you TRULY study it, and pray about it. I hope I can always have this feeling with me.
Monday, September 18, 2017
Heart Attack
Today Cameron wanted to go play with his friends. Our neighborhood here in Providence is fun, and young, and there are tons of friends for him to play with. I agreed and watched him go in the neighbor's house. I went back inside with Avery, knowing that in about 45 minutes I'd have to go grab him so we could go pick up the girls from school.
The time came to get him, and my neighbor said he wasn't there, but was probably at the Crosby's. I called the Crosby's, to which she responded they were at the McEuen's (the original house I called). When I told both mothers that the kids weren't at any of our houses, we started to panic a little. We immediately started yelling out for our kids, and asking neighbors if they had seen them. I said a quick heartfelt prayer to Heavenly Father, and hoped he was fine, but ready to unleash on him when I found him safe. I about had a heart attack.
Meanwhile, I needed to go pick up my girls from school. I got in the car, and figured I'd look for them on the way out. As I turned the corner of our street, I saw Cameron's bike in front of someone's house. I ran up there, anxious to see if he was there. Thankfully, he was there. Apparently they had all found a new friend, and the mom of this friend didn't think to check with the rest of us moms.
I was so relieved. It's amazing how my emotions go from fear, to panic, to stress, to happiness, to rage....all within a 10 minute lapse. But I promise, those seconds when your child is missing seem like an eternity.
I grabbed him, put him in his carseat, threw his bike in the back of my suburban, and went to pick up the girls. I told him how sad I was that I couldn't find him. (A lot of times Cam goes looking for me in our house when I go upstairs to get ready, and he starts to panic and cry when he can't find me. I explained to him that I felt the same way when I couldn't find him). I began crying, and told him how special he was to me, and how sad I'd be if I never got to hold him again.
As I gained composure of myself again, I immediately offered a prayer of gratitude. How thankful I am that Heavenly Father protected my son. It's tender mercies like this, that strengthen my testimony.
I like to think that I've come a long way in the last decade or so with my testimony. I know I used to be hotheaded, arrogant, and quick to take offense. I'm thankful I married someone who is patient, and has kindly shown me to to be more Christlike. I still lose my cool some days, but when I look at the overall picture, I've definitely made some improvements.
The time came to get him, and my neighbor said he wasn't there, but was probably at the Crosby's. I called the Crosby's, to which she responded they were at the McEuen's (the original house I called). When I told both mothers that the kids weren't at any of our houses, we started to panic a little. We immediately started yelling out for our kids, and asking neighbors if they had seen them. I said a quick heartfelt prayer to Heavenly Father, and hoped he was fine, but ready to unleash on him when I found him safe. I about had a heart attack.
Meanwhile, I needed to go pick up my girls from school. I got in the car, and figured I'd look for them on the way out. As I turned the corner of our street, I saw Cameron's bike in front of someone's house. I ran up there, anxious to see if he was there. Thankfully, he was there. Apparently they had all found a new friend, and the mom of this friend didn't think to check with the rest of us moms.
I was so relieved. It's amazing how my emotions go from fear, to panic, to stress, to happiness, to rage....all within a 10 minute lapse. But I promise, those seconds when your child is missing seem like an eternity.
I grabbed him, put him in his carseat, threw his bike in the back of my suburban, and went to pick up the girls. I told him how sad I was that I couldn't find him. (A lot of times Cam goes looking for me in our house when I go upstairs to get ready, and he starts to panic and cry when he can't find me. I explained to him that I felt the same way when I couldn't find him). I began crying, and told him how special he was to me, and how sad I'd be if I never got to hold him again.
As I gained composure of myself again, I immediately offered a prayer of gratitude. How thankful I am that Heavenly Father protected my son. It's tender mercies like this, that strengthen my testimony.
I like to think that I've come a long way in the last decade or so with my testimony. I know I used to be hotheaded, arrogant, and quick to take offense. I'm thankful I married someone who is patient, and has kindly shown me to to be more Christlike. I still lose my cool some days, but when I look at the overall picture, I've definitely made some improvements.
Thursday, August 17, 2017
Quitting isn't always bad
I'm a mom to 4 beautiful, healthy children. I'm a wife to an amazing, and HANDSOME, husband. We dont have debt (besides our home), we live within our means, we live in the coveted land we call "Zion" (aka Cache Valley), and we have an overall great life.
Picture perfect, right? Not always...
You see, being a mom is something I've always dreamed of. When all the kids in high school were figuring out what the heck they wanted to be, I usually just went with everyone else, but in the back of my mind my thought was, "I just want to be a mom." (Ironic, considering I used to pray to be barren when I was younger when I learned how babies were made...More on that another day...)
I'm not saying I don't enjoy being a mom, but somewhere along the way I find myself getting "lost" in the mundane things of motherhood: laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, diapers, chauffeuring kids around, breaking up fights, etc. Motherhood isn't exactly the most glamorous. (And if your friends on social media are always talking about how INCREDIBLE being a mom is and how they just love every single moment. Dont believe them for one second. [We all have that ONE friend who does this] Just know that we ALL have our ups and downs).
Sometimes I just want to be done. Sometimes I want to do something different--something challenging. Sometimes I just want to be known for something more than just being a homemaker. You got me?
A few years ago I started working from home selling makeup for a direct sales company. I ran my business successfully for almost 4 years, then decided to let it go. At my prime in this company, I was making about $3,000-$4,000 a month. I earned trips, cruises, incentives, bonuses, etc. I loved that! We were finally able to do lots of things for our family that we couldn't before--vacations, new cars, new toys, eating out, etc. Who wouldn't like that, right?
But the more successful I became, the more my kids/family got pushed back. I found myself constantly telling my kids, "Just a minute," and then that "minute" turned into almost an hour. After the kids would go to bed at night, rather than spending quality time with my husband like we used to, I'd sit on the computer trying to make more money. I became a little obsessed.
I wasn't always so nurturing and loving during this period. I was quick to anger, and thought more about myself than I did about my kids. (Mother of the Year, right?)
Something had to change. This wasn't a decision that was taken lightly. I expressed my concerns to Matt, and he was so supportive-- no matter which way I decided to go.
In the Direct Sales world, if you quit, you're considered "lazy" or "giving up." I didn't want to be known as a quitter.
It took me about 6 months of praying and thinking about giving up my business for me to finally decide to be done.
I missed the extra income it provided. I missed feeling "important." I missed feeling like I was successful.
But there were also some things I didn't miss:
I didn't miss being fake. I didn't miss pretending to be someone/something I wasn't. I didn't miss feeling like I was pushy or salesy to my friends. I didn't miss constantly being on the computer, and feeling the need/pressure to sell something to hit my rank at the end of the month. I didn't miss the pressure of posting X amount of times each day. I didn't miss the anxiety over all the notifications I'd get, and the "to-do" lists I had.
And while there were a lot of pros and cons to my decision to quit, I found I had gained some useful skills from my home business as well:
1. I learned the ins and outs of social media. I knew when to post, what drove sales up, what got reactions, algorithms, etc.
2. I learned how to feel comfortable sharing on social media, and not being ashamed of it. (This has helped me to be more confident in sharing my testimony this way)
3. I learned how to apply makeup--and will be able to help my own kids use it appropriately when they're older
4. I learned how to draw people in, and make them want to see what I was up to.
5. I honed up on my skills of being a leader/public speaker--through training videos I made, and speaking at group events.
All in all, I gained a lot of useful traits that have since helped me with church callings, working with other people, and developing myself into the person God wants me to be.
There are times when I still miss my "work from home" job, but I so enjoy relishing in my kids' happiness even more. Rather than forcing them to grow up quicker, I'm trying better to enjoy their small time in childhood.
I still have those "motherhood mundane" days. I still want to be "successful" and "important." And the world would tell you that there are more important things to be doing. But for now I've come to understand that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to be doing at this stage of my life. There will be plenty of opportunities when my kids are older for me to go back to work. But right now I'm doing the most important work I can: I'm raising a family in the gospel of Jesus Christ. And there's no other work that can even compare to that.
Picture perfect, right? Not always...
You see, being a mom is something I've always dreamed of. When all the kids in high school were figuring out what the heck they wanted to be, I usually just went with everyone else, but in the back of my mind my thought was, "I just want to be a mom." (Ironic, considering I used to pray to be barren when I was younger when I learned how babies were made...More on that another day...)
I'm not saying I don't enjoy being a mom, but somewhere along the way I find myself getting "lost" in the mundane things of motherhood: laundry, cooking, cleaning, running errands, diapers, chauffeuring kids around, breaking up fights, etc. Motherhood isn't exactly the most glamorous. (And if your friends on social media are always talking about how INCREDIBLE being a mom is and how they just love every single moment. Dont believe them for one second. [We all have that ONE friend who does this] Just know that we ALL have our ups and downs).
Sometimes I just want to be done. Sometimes I want to do something different--something challenging. Sometimes I just want to be known for something more than just being a homemaker. You got me?
A few years ago I started working from home selling makeup for a direct sales company. I ran my business successfully for almost 4 years, then decided to let it go. At my prime in this company, I was making about $3,000-$4,000 a month. I earned trips, cruises, incentives, bonuses, etc. I loved that! We were finally able to do lots of things for our family that we couldn't before--vacations, new cars, new toys, eating out, etc. Who wouldn't like that, right?
But the more successful I became, the more my kids/family got pushed back. I found myself constantly telling my kids, "Just a minute," and then that "minute" turned into almost an hour. After the kids would go to bed at night, rather than spending quality time with my husband like we used to, I'd sit on the computer trying to make more money. I became a little obsessed.
I wasn't always so nurturing and loving during this period. I was quick to anger, and thought more about myself than I did about my kids. (Mother of the Year, right?)
Something had to change. This wasn't a decision that was taken lightly. I expressed my concerns to Matt, and he was so supportive-- no matter which way I decided to go.
In the Direct Sales world, if you quit, you're considered "lazy" or "giving up." I didn't want to be known as a quitter.
It took me about 6 months of praying and thinking about giving up my business for me to finally decide to be done.
I missed the extra income it provided. I missed feeling "important." I missed feeling like I was successful.
But there were also some things I didn't miss:
I didn't miss being fake. I didn't miss pretending to be someone/something I wasn't. I didn't miss feeling like I was pushy or salesy to my friends. I didn't miss constantly being on the computer, and feeling the need/pressure to sell something to hit my rank at the end of the month. I didn't miss the pressure of posting X amount of times each day. I didn't miss the anxiety over all the notifications I'd get, and the "to-do" lists I had.
And while there were a lot of pros and cons to my decision to quit, I found I had gained some useful skills from my home business as well:
1. I learned the ins and outs of social media. I knew when to post, what drove sales up, what got reactions, algorithms, etc.
2. I learned how to feel comfortable sharing on social media, and not being ashamed of it. (This has helped me to be more confident in sharing my testimony this way)
3. I learned how to apply makeup--and will be able to help my own kids use it appropriately when they're older
4. I learned how to draw people in, and make them want to see what I was up to.
5. I honed up on my skills of being a leader/public speaker--through training videos I made, and speaking at group events.
All in all, I gained a lot of useful traits that have since helped me with church callings, working with other people, and developing myself into the person God wants me to be.
There are times when I still miss my "work from home" job, but I so enjoy relishing in my kids' happiness even more. Rather than forcing them to grow up quicker, I'm trying better to enjoy their small time in childhood.
I still have those "motherhood mundane" days. I still want to be "successful" and "important." And the world would tell you that there are more important things to be doing. But for now I've come to understand that I'm doing exactly what God wants me to be doing at this stage of my life. There will be plenty of opportunities when my kids are older for me to go back to work. But right now I'm doing the most important work I can: I'm raising a family in the gospel of Jesus Christ. And there's no other work that can even compare to that.
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