My daughter asked me this morning how many years I've been serving in young women's. It made me reflect back to about 15 years ago right after Matt and I got married and attended the Logan 19th Family ward. As I sat in sacrament meeting sustaining all the newly-called young women leaders, I longed for the opportunity to serve in young women's myself. It looked like so much fun! I served in various callings like primary, the enrichment committee, and sports specialist. And I wondered, "Where is my place of belonging?"
About three years later in 2008 Matt and I moved to Tooele, Utah. After about one year of serving in the Relief Society Presidency, I was called as the Young Women president of the Tooele 7th Ward. I was so excited to finally be in young women's. It was going to be so much fun... Until I learned how Young Women's really is. Yes, it's fun, but it also has a lot of low's. It's more than just a roller coaster-- It's more like a pregnant mom riding a roller coaster with a bunch of angels and two-year-olds throwing tantrums with everybody judging your every move from the line at the ticket counter. And that's not exaggerating. Ask anyone who has ever served as the president in Young Women's before and they'll laugh and reluctantly agree that that's how it feels.
That was the beginning of my time as an adult in the young women's program. Since then I have served as a Mia Maid (14 year old) adviser, Young Women Sports Specialist, Stake Young Women's President, and now again as the ward Young Women president. Altogether I've spent 10 years of my married life serving in Young Women's. It seems like I can't escape this calling, and I have to wonder, "Is this my place of belonging?"
In 2012 when we moved to another home in Tooele, my bishop at the time (Bishop Dalton) told me as I was venting how hard it was serving in that calling, "Sister Southam, you are meant to serve in Young Women's. You will always find yourself in that calling." At the time I just laughed. I didn't know if his words were meant to be a blessing or a curse, but I didn't pay any attention to it.
Until now.
This is my place. I love young women's. It holds a special place in my heart because it is where I developed my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I still remember sitting around the glowing campfire in the cold dark of the night surrounded by countless young women and leaders from the Hidden Valley 2nd Ward at Girls Camp. It was testimony meeting, and it had been going on for a while, and was about to be adjourned. Almost everyone had born her testimony. Everyone but me (or so it felt). But I was young, and scared to speak up, and didn't know how strong my testimony was. I had never born one before, and didn't know how to properly do it. (Sure, I had watched members of my ward every Fast Sunday get up and sob and tell a long story and then sit down, but I didn't have a story to tell.).
I had a desire to bear a testimony, and my Heavenly Father knew that. In the dead silence, with the sound of a crackling fire about to go out, my mouth began moving, and everyone looked at me. There were words spewing from my mouth and it was my voice. By the time I recognized I was bearing my testimony, I decided to take over. To this day, I cannot explain fully what happened. All I know, is the Spirit was so strong that night. The Holy Ghost literally took over my body and bore testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. I cannot, and will not EVER deny that it was the Holy Ghost that night. I will never forget that feeling.
That feeling is something I want all of the young women I work with to be able to feel. To feel of God's love for them. To feel valued. To feel known--understood. To feel pure happiness. To feel hopeful. Yet sometimes, serving in young women's has a way of making you feel helpless. I can only do so much. I love the girls, and I try to show them that. What I've realized recently, is that ultimately, they have to WANT to be helped, too.
Lately in our ward, we've lost a lot of girls. The COVID-19 pandemic shut us all down--from weekly church meetings to our mutual activities. In the months that we were shut down, we lost girls. They fell into some bad habits, and are complacent with where they're at. It's been a real struggle to get them to come back--to attend an activity or show up to a virtual Sunday Young Women lesson.
But I can't completely blame them. In fact, the more I've served this time around, the more I've noticed how much stronger Satan is working on them and their families. He knows the power that families and church have for the girls, and he'll do anything he can to prevent them from accessing God's almighty powers.
Two years ago, the Church of Jesus-Christ of Latter-Day Saints started Come Follow Me-- which allows for families to study the scriptures together and build stronger sanctuaries and homes. Last year (2019) the Church implemented a new program called Children and Youth that encourages youth to always grow by setting personal goals in Physical, Intellectual, Spiritual, and Social categories. It is no coincidence that the Church started these programs before the pandemic hit. These inspired programs and resources were given to us to help us during these latter-days, yet for many, it seems like a chore. Many families in our ward have given up on doing these things because they don't have the "time" or are tired of doing all the work. Yet, not coincidentally, those same families are the ones who have young women that are struggling the most.
The role of the family and parents is vital to young women growing and nurturing their testimony. Without them, we young women leaders can only do so much. If the parents don't value young women's, why would their daughters?
As I was walking home from ward council a few weeks back, our Ward Mission Leader (who has two girls in young women's) stopped me. He told me he felt bad for me because out of all the times serving with the youth, now is the hardest. Varieties of communication have been enhanced, but actual communicating seems to have diminished. He apologized to me for the lack of support he and his wife have been in not getting their young women to activities and lessons. He said they had sustained me when I got called, and they were recommitted to doing that by encouraging their daughters to be there.
That was a real "aha" lightbulb moment for me. Parents! Parents are the key! What parent doesn't want their child to grow in the gospel and to be successful in life? Young women's does that! We help them gain leadership skills, plan and carry out activities, research and teach lessons, gather Israel, work hard, and love/serve others. Who wouldn't want that!?
As I reflected on that thought, this section from The Family-A Proclamation to the World came to mind:
"Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations."
Young Women's is a SUPPORT to families by helping them meet the spiritual needs of their daughters. So why are parents NOT utilizing us?
For me personally, I know I can use all the help I can get. I wish I could help parents/ families see that for themselves.
Now, I get it. As a parent, you can only do so much. Ultimately, your kid has their own agency. But as parents, we can also encourage and guide our kids to attending young women's.
Earlier I mentioned how Young Women's has become my place of belonging. The wonderful thing about it, is any young woman can feel that through coming to Young Women's activities/ lessons. At school, you can choose to be a part of a club, or team, but I can guarantee you they won't have a lifelong impact on you like Young Women's does.
Young Women's is a place where daughters of God can feel wanted, loved, and needed. It is a place where they can develop various skills and talents, and nurture deep bonds of friendship with peers and leaders. It is a place where they can come unto Christ and be perfected in Him. What better place could you hope for your kids to belong to?
