Balance

I feel like there should be more than 24 hours in A-day, yet somehow at night when it's time for bed I'm thankful there are only 24 hours because I'm so tired. 

 I don't know if it's my old age of 37 or the fact that I have 5 kids, but there just never seems to be enough time to do everything I want to do.

And when night time comes and I sneak into my kids bedrooms and watch them sleep, I can't help but feel a little guilt and remorse over not doing enough with them throughout the day. Each night I make a new commitment to be better, but it seems like every day is the same thing.

The key is finding the right balance. The right balance with spending quality time with my kids, the right balance with ministering ministering to those around me and serving in my church calling, the right balance to giving enough time to myself (for exercise, social time,  and mental/ spiritual enhancement),  the right balance to supporting my husband, the right balance to keeping my home in order, etc. The list goes on and on. 

 I've tried cutting back on certain things (shorter workouts, not going to the gym, seeing a time limit on my phone, unfollowing a bunch of accounts on Instagram, etc). I've tried prioritizing my time and beng more efficient with my work. This have improved.  But when you're like me and have a perfectionist mentality, it gets a little tricky to feel successful.

 Why is it that I measure my success and my worth over how much I accomplish in a day?  Why is it so hard for me to  Just sit back and enjoy life? Why do I have to be a busy body? Why can I not focus on a task if my surroundings are messy?

Finding a good balance is hard. 

Brats with a capital B

I was mindlessly scrolling on FB the other night and came across a friend's post who was journaling. She listed the reasons why she does it, and I realized that's why I like to write. I wish I could handwrite my thoughts, but my hand hurts after only a few minutes, my handwriting gets sloppy, and then I dont put everything down I had planned on. This is why I blog here. It's therapeutic for me, and I feel like I can express my sincere opinions without compromising friendships or feeling judged. (Plus, there's spelling corrections haha)

Last night our family drove to Salem (2 hours away) for my sister in law's birthday party. My kids were so excited to go see their cousins, especially considering we dont get to see them often. But after we returned home late last night, I couldn't help but feel like we should have never gone at all. Let me explain:

My kids have cousins their ages who they admire and want to play with. They get so excited to see them, yet the last several times we've been down to visit, my kids get completely ignored. I firsthand witnessed Jacey attempt to wave and say hello to Kate (Paul's daughter) to no avail. I kid you not, Kate looked the other way, ignored her, and walked away. As a parent, I was FUMING mad at Kate, all while heartbroken for my sensitive Jacey. The only time that Kate paid any attention to Jacey at all, was when Jacey had JJ and Kate wanted to hold him. Yet when Hayley (Mike's kid) came, they ran off playing together, all while still ignoring Jacey.

Taylor and Cam experienced the same problems. Multiple times Cam tried talking to Jack and Drew (Pauls' kid) only to experience the same thing. Then there's Abby--who walked around with her friend the whole time and didn't even look at Taylor. 

I'm just going to say it straight out right here. My nieces and nephews are BRATS. If I ever saw my kid do that to someone else, I'd discipline them. 

When we have family come and visit, I tell my kids they're not allowed to have friends over so they can give all their attention and focus to their cousins. Am I wrong in doing this? Am I justified in being angry? 

The whole 2 hour drive home last night I kept replaying in my head how my kids were treated, which only made me madder. Do I say something to their parents, or just let it be? How long do you watch your kids' hearts be broken? At what point do we stop driving down to family events because of how they'll be treated?

If this was a one-time experience, I probably would let it slide. But we've seen these families 3 other times this summer, and the same thing happened every time. We attended Drew's baptism in April, Paul's cabin in July, and Daniel's farewell a couple weeks ago. Same thing happened.

every.

single.

time.

It took all my strength I could muster to not say anything to those bratty kids' faces, and even more strength to refrain from smacking them up the head. 

I know that's not Christlike at all. But neither is ignoring your cousins.