Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Mother of the Year Goes to.... Not Me

Every morning I go to the gym to exercise. I love it because I have a lot of friends there (it's my adult interaction for the day...hahah...but seriously...), endorphins are released, I feel powerful and strong....etc. Fast forward to about 10 minutes after I arrive home.

Kids are fighting over who grabbed the box of cereal first.

Tears are rolling down cheeks from, "Cameron looked at me in a mean way."

Fights are breaking out between who has to be the flippin' monkey in the middle...

You get the idea.

So pretty much all the good I do at 5:30 in the wee early morning hours gets completely undone. (Perhaps I should schedule my workouts to after the kids leave for school instead?)

Anyway, today was no different. The kids actually all got ready on their own really well without any fights. They had a good 20 minutes to kill before we had to leave for school. They decided to play a game (but not the blasted Monkey in the Middle game...No! No! I banned that game [and 'jinx'] from this house for a good week because I was so sick of all the fights and tears. No, this game had Cameron sketching his sisters on a digital notepad. Jacey apparently didn't like how she looked, so she asked him to stop. I was in the bathroom and overheard her ask politely at least three more times. He kept laughing (pretty typical for Cam), and when Jacey said she was going to tell mom, Taylor replied, "Fine, go tattle tale AGAIN!"

Ugh.

Jacey ran to the couch in tears.

I lost it.

I was hoping they could work it all out on their own. But obviously not.

I was RAGING.

What makes them think it's funny to annoy someone, or to tease, or to laugh at someone when they obviously are hurting?

I was livid with both Cam and Taylor.

And then since I was already pissed at everyone, I got mad at Jacey for being so overly sensitive. "So WHAT if he draws a stupid picture? It doesn't mean it's YOU!"

By this point, the three older kids are in tears, and we are kneeling down ready to pray.

Not my most proud parenting moment.

Anyway, Jacey said the prayer, and in there she said, "Help us to be more like Jesus." It's a common phrase we all use while praying. So when she closed, I asked the kids, "Do you mean that? Do you REALLY want to be more like Jesus? It takes a lot of effort on our part....not just praying for it."

Then on the way to school, we typically recite scriptures. I was in no mood for scriptures. But when we finally got around to it, Taylor recited, "Repent ye for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I exclaimed, "Oh BOY how we NEED to do that after this morning!" (I dont know that any of them got it).

Before they got out of the car, I wanted them to be in somewhat of a better mood. So I apologized to them for yelling at them, but I also told them that I didn't apologize for disciplining them to which Taylor replied, "We don't blame you." hahahahha

My kids probably think I'm the worst mom. And honesty, sometimes I really feel like I'm doing them a disservice and that I really am a horrible mom.  I try not to listen to those thoughts, though. I usually call my mom and dad, vent to them, make them laugh, and then they praise me and remind me that I'm doing fine.

I hope so.

Friday, February 21, 2020

Three Reasons Why I Blog

One of the reasons I keep my blogs is because I love writing. Not story-telling writing, or fictional writing, but rather about my life and the humor and lessons I learn from it. Writing is a good release for me--A release from my stress, my calling, my family obligations, my duties around the home, etc. A way to organize my thoughts without thinking about all of my to-do's for the rest of the day.

The other reason I blog is because I want my kids to be able to read about my thoughts and how I went through life. I think sometimes they think I'm perfect, and maybe this blog will be a real eye opener to them. lol. (Or maybe they don't think I'm perfect--in fact, now that we're finally entering the whole "pre-teen" years with Taylor, I'm almost 100% certain she thinks I'm completely imperfect lol).

But the last reason I blog, is because I have kind of a crazy dream that not many people know about. My dream is to publish a book some day using my life's experiences as a personal self-help book for other people. I love reading self-help books from the library--whether that be on health, parenting, or a religious aspect, and I find myself wanting to do the same.

I have a unique voice, and I realize that. I'm too sarcastic to write anything TOO serious. So I imagine that this future self-help book will be more laid back and fun--a quick read. Maybe on life's lessons I've learned the hard way that others can relate to, or spiritual insights I wished I had known when I was younger.

I dont know...does that sound silly?

Some day I hope to compile all my silly and serious stories to do just that. But honestly, I dont envision that happening for quite a while. But it sure makes me excited to dream about...

Tati's Talk/ Thoughts on "Social Media Fast"

I participated in the challenge Pres. Nelson extended...twice. 

A few months ago he challenged the youth of the church to take a break from it, and I had a desire to follow it as well. I was so impressed by how different I felt that I seriously contemplated if I should get back on social media at all.

Then this past General Conference, Pres. Nelson challenged the women of the church to do this as well. I was eager to do it again as I reflected on how good it felt the last time I had done it. This particular time it wasn't as hard for me to refrain from getting on social media. The first time I took the fast, I found myself mindlessly trying to click on the app where it used to be on my phone. It's crazy how that happens. 

Having a social media fast has helped me realize several things:
  1. I feel liberated. Literally free from the cares of the world. I am more focused on ME and MY family. I literally feel happier. Not only has this made a difference with myself, but it's made all the difference in our home. (Because we all know that when Mom is happy, EVERYONE is happy).
  2. I found that the things I "used to not have time for," suddenly became more important. I can't imagine, and I dont want to even think, about how much time I used to waste scrolling through my social media newsfeeds. Amazingly, I found time to really diligently read and search the scriptures. It's not uncommon for me to study for 30-45 minutes on scriptures alone each day. I understand them more fully, and I have received inspiration and revelation through this.
  3. Because my mind has been less cluttered, I've also noticed how much more in tune with the Spirit I am. Several times I have felt prompted to text a fellow sister in the ward, or go to a neighbor's home to check on her and her family, and even be guided by how to respond/react to issues within my own family. The noise and distractions from social media had become so loud for me that I had not realized how little I was able to really hear and heed the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
  4. My testimony of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has strengthened. I know who I am, where I am going, and I understand what my purpose is here on earth. My testimony of our prophet has increased. I know he speaks with a loving Heavenly Father who sees the dangers of certain things in our day, and knows how to help us. 
  5. I've learned what is truly important in life, and I have a strong desire to continue following along His covenant path in bringing to pass his glorious work on earth. My desire to attend the temple has increased, and I have had the opportunity to go more in the last year than I have ever before. 
  6. I know that Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ, love ME. I have a strong desire to be obedient to all of God's commandments and follow Him.

This challenge may not seem like it would do much for some. In fact, I heard of a lot of backlash from women thinking it was a way to try to "quiet the women's voice." Oh how wrong they are, and how sad I feel for them. As women, we have a divine role to accomplish while here on earth, and we won't be able to do it if we are distracted by all the "noise" from social media, and don't heed the prophet's warnings and counsel. I am thankful for this challenge and for the way it has helped me to grow spiritually. 

Tati's Talk at YW in Excellence, "Goodbye Personal Progress, Hello New Youth Program!"

Welcome!

Thank you for coming to honor these incredible young women tonight. As we have served with the young women for the past six months, we have come to see the many talents and skills each of these beloved daughters of God possesses. What a great opportunity we have this night to be able to recognize all the good things these ladies are doing. As parents, you should be proud. You have raised some amazing young women.

It’s an exciting time to be in YW. We live in the latter days. We are living in the Dispensation of the Fulness of Times, in which the Lord has said: “… in the which I will gather together in one all things, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth.” (D&C 27:13.)
He added, “For I deign to reveal unto my church things which have been kept hid from before the foundation of the world, things that pertain to the dispensation of the fulness of times.” (D&C 124:41.)  Today, we are witnessing the fulfillment of these prophesies in this dispensation as several new policy changes have recently been announced. From changing the age of missionaries entering the field and for youth entering the young women program, to expanding the opportunity of being witnesses at sacred ordinances, to ministering changes, and 2-hour block schedules. (I still remember rejoicing when they announced that change). 

Along with those changes will be a discontinuation of personal progress, hence our theme tonight of celebrating the final year of personal progress. Come the new year, we will be focusing on a new self-guided youth program that allows for the young women to set personalized goals and reach them through the guidance of the Holy Ghost. While I have been grateful for the Personal Progress program and the ways it has helped countless young women to grow spiritually (including myself), I am looking forward to the new program. I know without a doubt that it will help our youth better seek personal revelation and draw closer to their Savior. 

As parents, you know your children best, and so we want to encourage you to work with your daughters on their goals. Just because personal progress is over, doesn’t mean we stop working towards something and growing spiritually. As leaders, we are always happy to assist. Working with your daughters on their goals will not only help them reach their goals, but improve your relationship with your daughters as well. 

As we work together, the Spirit of God will be upon us, and these young women. They will be better able to arm themselves with the armor of God, and better withstand the temptations of the adversary in these latter days when temptations continue to grow. I know that to be true. 

I testify that this gospel is true--That Heavenly Father knows each of you personally, loves you, and has a plan for you. I know that our Heavenly Father speaks with our prophet, who reveals gospel truths through him to us. I know God wants you to be happy and return to live with Him. You CAN do that as you follow the new YW theme--which we just read. I encourage each of you, parents and young women, to re-read it and ponder it later tonight. I know these things to be true, In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen. 

Tati's Talk, "Are we Not all Beggars"

Are We Not all Beggars
Tatiana Southam
12/31/2017

Introduce family, story of how we met
Moved here 6 months ago. Became rusty waiting to speak in church

This time of year is always one of my favorites. I love seeing the good in people come out. I love seeing people conscientiously serving other people in need. Just from our ward alone, I’ve seen countless acts of charity:
-people buy treats to help support the financial burden of a relative
-people take in another family’s children as the mother had to leave occasionally
-people supply dinners for a family who didn’t have time to prepare meals themselves
-Neighbors take a friend on a walk around the neighborhood to relieve the parents for a short time
-the youth singing uplifting songs to ward members, and cleaning up yards for those who needed assistance
-People waving at me every time I pass through the neighborhood. 
-People raking the leaves of their neighbors, even though they were also in need of help
-People plowing the driveways and sidewalks of their neighbors
-Ward members doing yard work for others in the ward
-I’ve seen people all over the neighborhood be “booed” or “socked” at Halloween and Christmas time.
-I have seen the love of Christ as I witness you all serve each other.

In Elder Holland’s talk “Are we not all beggars,” he poses the question, ‘How can we “do all that we can?”’ We all are in different financial circumstances. Some may have “a lot” while others may have “little.” However, no matter your financial situation, you can still do “all that you can” --Even those in the most humble of circumstances.

Jesus Christ himself didn’t have much. His monetary possessions were few. Yet He did all that he could to relieve the burdens of those around him. He healed the sick, he forgave, he loved the people, he taught by example and with patience. (find specific stories in scriptures)

As I have pondered on this question myself of “how can we do all that we can”, I came up with a few ideas through an acronym that I hope you all can remember--LIFT:

Love: Seeing others through God’s eyes. We dont look at their imperfections. I attended a TOFW Conference several years back where a quote from Sister Marjorie Hinckley was shared that really struck me. She said she truly learned how to be a happy person when she was about 50 years of age--which was when she stopped comparing herself to others. She was able to see other people as God’s children. Equal. I love going to the temple--in part because I love seeing everyone dressed in white. It is easy for me to see people through God’s eyes this way. If we are able to look at people this way outside of the temple, our lives will be filled with much more enjoyment.

Pres. Uchtdorf said “We are not perfect. The people around us are not perfect. People do things that annoy, disappoint, and anger. Part of the purpose of mortality is to learn how to let go of such things.  That is the Lords way. Remember, Heaven is filled with those who have this in common: they are forgiven, and they forgive.”

Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals. (Monson)

Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. 

D&C82:1 Verily, verily, I say unto you, my servants, that inasmuch as you have forgiven one another your trespasses, even so I, the Lord, forgive you.
Forgiving (Joseph in Egypt). 

Elder Holland: “...be kind regarding human frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we.”

Beware of Pride (quotes): “Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us. There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.”—Ezra Taft Benson
Inspire: Praying for those who need help (Alma/Amulek and Zoramites. Enos)
Generous in fast offerings/mission funds/humanitarian funds: Fast offerings enable us to share our blessings with others. A minimum donation is the value of the two meals not eaten while fasting. A widow with three young children was out of funds and in debt. Her bishop, seeing a crucial need, wrote her creditors—and several substantially reduced her bills. Then, through fast offering funds, other bills were paid. This financial help and subsequent guidance from priesthood leaders restored the family’s self-respect and helped them become self-reliant. Both sons later served missions; all three children later married in the temple. (See Ensign, Feb. 1979, p. 23.)
Blessings also await the giver. Many who pay tithes and offerings testify that the Lord has opened the windows of heaven and poured out blessings unto them. 
Malachi 3:10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.
Because I have been sheltered, fed by thy good care,
I cannot see another’s lack and I not share
My glowing fire, my loaf of bread,
My roof’s safe shelter overhead,
That he too may be comforted

Don Ward and refugees
A journalist once questioned Mother Teresa of Calcutta about her hopeless task of rescuing the destitute in that city. He said that, statistically speaking, she was accomplishing absolutely nothing. This remarkable little woman shot back that her work was about love, not statistics. Notwithstanding the staggering number beyond her reach, she said she could keep the commandment to love God and her neighbor by serving those within her reach with whatever resources she had. “What we do is nothing but a drop in the ocean,” she would say on another occasion. “But if we didn’t do it, the ocean would be one drop less [than it is].”9Soberly, the journalist concluded that Christianity is obviously not a statistical endeavor. He reasoned that if there would be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over the ninety and nine who need no repentance, then apparently God is not overly preoccupied with percentages
Elder Holland said, “As King Benjamin taught, cease withholding our means because we see the poor as having brought their misery upon themselves. Perhaps some have created their own difficulties, but don’t the rest of us do exactly the same thing? Isn’t that why this compassionate ruler asks, “Are we not all beggars?”11 Don’t we all cry out for help and hope and answers to prayers? Don’t we all beg for forgiveness for mistakes we have made and troubles we have caused? Don’t we all implore that grace will compensate for our weaknesses, that mercy will triumph over justice at least in our case? Little wonder that King Benjamin says we obtain a remission of our sins by pleading to God, who compassionately responds, but we retain a remission of our sins by compassionately responding to the poor who plead to us.”

Friendship: Friend to ALL neighbors (members and non members). Make them feel included.
Lifting others up (a note, a compliment, a smile). Sharon Falardeau, Jim Southam, Dyana
Seeking out those who are lonely/lost (Jesus’ story of the 99 sheep)

Teach: Home/Visiting Teaching
Teaching within your church calling
Within our own families. Some of the greatest work we do is within our own homes.
Lead by example.
Each year for Christmas, our family likes to participate in a Sub for Santa. The first year we started doing it, our oldest was about 3. We found, with the help of our bishop at the time, a sweet older lady who we grew to love. We called her Grandma G. She had a rough life. A history of abuse, drugs, and medical issues. She lived alone, and the only income she had was from her social security checks, which was barely enough to pay the rent. We helped her out with a lot of BASIC necessities: pots and pans, clothing, and groceries. At first when we would visit, I didn’t want to stay long because of the cigarette smell that permeated her apartment. But as we kept visiting her to find her needs, we grew to really care for her, and see her as our Father in Heaven sees her. She was a child of God. And although she had made many mistakes in her life, so had we. Who were we to judge her solely off her sins and her past? One night before we left she hugged me for a while and cried saying, “You guys are angels.” She said she had not felt that loved in a really long time.

It hit me that night on a drive home that she hadn’t felt loved in so long. I began crying and my 3 year old said to me, “Mommy are you sad?” I responded that no, I wasn’t sad. I was happy to feel the love of Christ and to share His love with someone who really needed it. “ What a neat teaching opportunity for me and my daughter.

Isn’t that really what it’s about when asked how we are able to “do all that we can?” To LOVE people the best we can. To uplift those are are hurting, to ease the burdens that seem to fall on someone you love. This life is about relationships. It’s about our relationship with others. It’s about our relationship with our God. It’s about our relationship with ourselves. Its about LIFTING (loving, inspiring, friendshipping, and teaching) those around us.

Elder Holland: “While I’m not my brother’s keeper, I am my brother’s brother.”

Bear Testimony

Tati's Talk, "YW Role in Gathering Israel"

I recently spoke again in church for Stake Conference. I spoke at the general session a couple of years ago in Tooele when I was the Stake YW President, but this time I spoke at the Ward Council Training early morning on Sunday.

My talk went well. I remember when Pres. Allred had messaged me the week prior asking me to meet with him that I starting freaking out thinking I was getting a new calling. When I looked at the church calendar, however, I saw Stake Conference on the agenda and knew it had to be related. I felt relieved (ironically considering most people are scared to speak in church, let alone Stake Conference). I feel really grateful for the way Heavenly Father has molded and shaped me into who I am today. Most people are surprised to learn that I used to be a very shy kid. It's true. It wasn't until I was in the 4th grade that I learned I could gain good attention by my sarcasm and quick-witted remarks. Since then, I've loved the spotlight. (Okay, maybe "love" isnt the right word for it, but I'm definitely more comfortable getting up in front of people).

I've spoken in public places countless times in my life. In fact, I remember taking a public speaking course in college to help me. I actually enjoyed it and still try to apply some of those principles every time I speak (ie. limiting my "ummmm...", not speaking too quickly, keeping good eye contact, being confident, and know my information beforehand so I don't stumble over writing everything word for word.).

Every time I write a new talk I reflect on those tips from college. I try really hard to not write out my talk word-for-word, but inevitably I always do. But after my talk in Stake Conference, I'm glad I did. Here's why:

After the meeting, the stake presidency came over and shook each of our (each speaker's) hands and spoke with us for a little bit. President Swink (one of the counselors here in the Providence UT stake) congratulated me on a well-prepared, and useful talk. He said rarely do speakers deliver a talk in the manner I did--that was outlined well, and easy to follow. He advised me to keep all of my talks so my kids can one day read them. I thought that was pretty neat.

So that's ultimately what brings me here. I considered starting a new blog for all my talks, but I figured I may as well add them to this blog. I have several other blogs that I still need to catch up on anyways.

The only problem with  me posting my talks, is they're going to be completely out of chronological order as I'm too lazy to go through and organize them like that. Heck, I'm just hoping I can actually locate most of my talks.

Anyway, here it is:

YW Role in Gathering Israel & How it Prepares them for Life. (6min)
Tatiana Southam
Stake Conference, 1/19/2020

One of the most important things someone can learn for herself besides who she is, is what her purpose is here on earth. President Nelson has been very forthright in his instruction to the youth today that they were sent here specifically to gather Israel. This gathering is “the greatest challenge, the greatest cause, and the greatest work on earth today”! Pres. Nelson


Gathering Israel is a term used a lot in the Church. And to be honest, I don’t even know if I myself quite understood what this really meant until recently. All people can be gathered to Israel, either by direct descent or by adoption to one of the tribes of Israel, which happens when they are baptized and receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. The gathering was foretold by ancient prophets and is a prelude to the Lord’s Second Coming. People today are considered gathered when they accept the gospel, receive ordinances, and make sacred covenants.


The gathering has already begun, and the young men and young women play a vital role in it. As they participate in it actively, they are hastening the Lord’s work and preparing themselves for their future roles as well. 


So what is the role of a young woman in gathering? The new YW theme  makes it clear: “As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I strive to become like Him. I seek and act upon personal revelation and minister to others in His Holy name.” 


I’ve broke it down into three parts:
  1. Preparing Spiritually
  2. Participating in Family history/Temple Work
  3. Ministering


1. Preparing Spiritually

A couple of years ago when President Nelson spoke, something he said really struck me in regards to personal revelation: “In coming days, it will not be possible to survive spiritually without the guiding, directing, and comforting constant influence of the Holy Ghost.” 


We live in a world full of noise and distractions. When we are bombarded with those distractions, it can be really hard to hear the still, small whisperings of the Holy Ghost. I believe this is in part why Pres. Nelson challenged the youth to take a fast from social media-- to be better able to hear and recognize His voice.


Brother Stephen W. Owen, YM General President, counseled us to take time to deliberately disconnect from the world and take time to connect with heaven. I am impressed when I see the righteous examples of the young women I work with take this counsel to heart as they read their scriptures, attend the temple, and choose to abstain from worldly distractions. This past year at Girls Camp, none of our girls had the normal distractions they usually do at home because we were four hours from home without cell service or Wi-Fi. They joyfully engaged with one another, made new, lasting friendships, uplifted each other, and were more united as a whole. They learned new skills, gained new talents, and grew spiritually as they connected more with heaven. 


I know that as they continue doing this at home, they will grow closer to the Savior and be more apt to act on the promptings they receive. The companionship of the Holy Ghost will assist them in handling the mortal challenges and trials life places upon them. 


2. Participating in Family History/ Temple Work. 

I got really excited when the Church announced the age change for youth entering young women. Because of this, we had over 10 girls recently join us in young women’s, one of those being my daughter (who just barely turned 11 last month). 


One of the first questions I received as a Young Women leader from those incoming girls was, “When can I go to the temple?” Their excitement in doing temple work is contagious, and the light they have about them engaging in this sacred work is bright. 


I had the opportunity of sitting down with my own daughter and explained a little about the process of doing baptisms for the dead, and why it was so important. Pres. Nelson said, “Anytime you do anything that helps anyone—on either side of the veil—take a step toward making covenants with God and receiving their essential baptismal and temple ordinances, you are helping to gather Israel.” She was excited to have five of her very own family names to do baptisms for. 


Engaging the young women in temple work at a young age not only helps those beyond the grave, but it helps young women prepare to make and keep sacred temple covenants when they’re older. 


3. Ministering

As I attended my first Prepare to Share meeting last week, I came across these words from the Preach My Gospel manual, “You are called to represent Jesus Christ in helping people become clean from their sins and find greater happiness and joy.” It is evident that as we minister to others, we are indeed helping others find happiness and striving to be like our Savior. 


A couple of weeks ago for our 5th Sunday Lesson, we were combined with the young men and had a missionary panel of 5 recently returned elders and sister from our ward. One sister said missionary work IS basically ministering. 


After a few questions from the youth, one elder explained that missionary work wasn’t about the number of baptisms, but rather forgetting themselves, “putting off the natural man,” serving, and sharing the gospel. He said, “Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.” We all need to be intentional talking about Christ, rejoicing in Christ, and preaching of Him with our friends and families. The  youth can share the gospel and their standards with those around them. President Nelson promised that as we do this, we draw closer to the Savior and “...changes, even miracles, will begin to happen.” 


As young women minister and serve in the Savior’s way, they are able to support friends and family who are struggling, feel the Savior’s love for them, and be powerful witnesses of Jesus Christ. 


The young women are special daughters of God with a divine purpose to gather Israel in these latter-days. As they prepare spiritually, participate in family history/temple work, and minister to others, they will gain confidence in their future roles as women, wives, mothers, career professionals, and serve faithfully in future callings. They will be better able to withstand the temptations of this world, and help take part in the “greatest cause and the greatest work on earth.”

Of this I testify, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.