Every morning I go to the gym to exercise. I love it because I have a lot of friends there (it's my adult interaction for the day...hahah...but seriously...), endorphins are released, I feel powerful and strong....etc. Fast forward to about 10 minutes after I arrive home.
Kids are fighting over who grabbed the box of cereal first.
Tears are rolling down cheeks from, "Cameron looked at me in a mean way."
Fights are breaking out between who has to be the flippin' monkey in the middle...
You get the idea.
So pretty much all the good I do at 5:30 in the wee early morning hours gets completely undone. (Perhaps I should schedule my workouts to after the kids leave for school instead?)
Anyway, today was no different. The kids actually all got ready on their own really well without any fights. They had a good 20 minutes to kill before we had to leave for school. They decided to play a game (but not the blasted Monkey in the Middle game...No! No! I banned that game [and 'jinx'] from this house for a good week because I was so sick of all the fights and tears. No, this game had Cameron sketching his sisters on a digital notepad. Jacey apparently didn't like how she looked, so she asked him to stop. I was in the bathroom and overheard her ask politely at least three more times. He kept laughing (pretty typical for Cam), and when Jacey said she was going to tell mom, Taylor replied, "Fine, go tattle tale AGAIN!"
Ugh.
Jacey ran to the couch in tears.
I lost it.
I was hoping they could work it all out on their own. But obviously not.
I was RAGING.
What makes them think it's funny to annoy someone, or to tease, or to laugh at someone when they obviously are hurting?
I was livid with both Cam and Taylor.
And then since I was already pissed at everyone, I got mad at Jacey for being so overly sensitive. "So WHAT if he draws a stupid picture? It doesn't mean it's YOU!"
By this point, the three older kids are in tears, and we are kneeling down ready to pray.
Not my most proud parenting moment.
Anyway, Jacey said the prayer, and in there she said, "Help us to be more like Jesus." It's a common phrase we all use while praying. So when she closed, I asked the kids, "Do you mean that? Do you REALLY want to be more like Jesus? It takes a lot of effort on our part....not just praying for it."
Then on the way to school, we typically recite scriptures. I was in no mood for scriptures. But when we finally got around to it, Taylor recited, "Repent ye for the kingdom of heaven is at hand." I exclaimed, "Oh BOY how we NEED to do that after this morning!" (I dont know that any of them got it).
Before they got out of the car, I wanted them to be in somewhat of a better mood. So I apologized to them for yelling at them, but I also told them that I didn't apologize for disciplining them to which Taylor replied, "We don't blame you." hahahahha
My kids probably think I'm the worst mom. And honesty, sometimes I really feel like I'm doing them a disservice and that I really am a horrible mom. I try not to listen to those thoughts, though. I usually call my mom and dad, vent to them, make them laugh, and then they praise me and remind me that I'm doing fine.
I hope so.
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